So, I sit
here two days away from my 30th birthday, and dread it. Not my party, or the
flowers I know will how up at work, or the dinner his parent's planned for me
since my parent's told me they'll barely be acknowledging my birthday this year,
but the actual thought of leaving my 20's and being in the next decade.
Everyone says, "It's not bad! You'll enjoy being 30..."
I DON'T BELIEVE THEM
Not at all, I think that they blocked out the part of their brain that turned 30, and wept uncontrollably while watching commercials of people in their 20's having fun. This is what I do, I see younger people being beautiful, fit, and nonchalant, and wish it were me.
Now, don't get me wrong, my life is not horrible. I have 3 beautiful children, and a fiance that loves me, but I still haven't finished college, bought a house, my own car, or went on an elaborate vacation. I don't have suitcases that match, a single piece of furnature that is not recycled, or an outfit to wer of I had the opportunity to interview for my dream job... Hell, I don;t even have a dream job in mind. How sad is that?!?
I cry over this, and the only comfort my other half can offer is, "You don't look 30, more like 26", which is still older than him. He is only 24, and doesn't understand the impending doom I feel in the pit of my stomach, rising l ike bile into my throat everytime I see a 21 year old with a half shirt and a belly piercing giggling, while eating a 3 ton ice cream that won't go to her hips or ass.
Who know's, maybe I'll have an epiphany in my dreams, and wake up on Friday feeling like I can take on the world. Most likely I will crawl back under the blankets, and whine about how the only reason to get out of bed on my 30th birthday is because my awesome supervisor is treating me to lunch to usher in my 30's.
Everyone says, "It's not bad! You'll enjoy being 30..."
I DON'T BELIEVE THEM
Not at all, I think that they blocked out the part of their brain that turned 30, and wept uncontrollably while watching commercials of people in their 20's having fun. This is what I do, I see younger people being beautiful, fit, and nonchalant, and wish it were me.
Now, don't get me wrong, my life is not horrible. I have 3 beautiful children, and a fiance that loves me, but I still haven't finished college, bought a house, my own car, or went on an elaborate vacation. I don't have suitcases that match, a single piece of furnature that is not recycled, or an outfit to wer of I had the opportunity to interview for my dream job... Hell, I don;t even have a dream job in mind. How sad is that?!?
I cry over this, and the only comfort my other half can offer is, "You don't look 30, more like 26", which is still older than him. He is only 24, and doesn't understand the impending doom I feel in the pit of my stomach, rising l ike bile into my throat everytime I see a 21 year old with a half shirt and a belly piercing giggling, while eating a 3 ton ice cream that won't go to her hips or ass.
Who know's, maybe I'll have an epiphany in my dreams, and wake up on Friday feeling like I can take on the world. Most likely I will crawl back under the blankets, and whine about how the only reason to get out of bed on my 30th birthday is because my awesome supervisor is treating me to lunch to usher in my 30's.
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